This has been the toughest, most traumatic week of my life. However, in the midst of intense damage, grief, pain, and fear, God has shown His amazing goodness, presence, and faithfulness in so many ways.
It began early Tuesday morning when I woke up with heavy bleeding, including a huge clot. Chris rushed to my aid seconds before the shock caused me to lose consciousness. Once I regained awareness, he ran to grab his phone and call 911. While he talking to the dispatcher, I passed out again. While I was unconscious, he brought me down to the floor. With that massive clot and so much blood loss, we both thought we had certainly lost Grace at 21 weeks.
Thankfully we live within walking distance from a fire station, so EMS was able to quickly respond and transport me to Baylor Centennial. The doctors there diagnosed complete placenta previa. It just so happened that I already had an appointment with a maternal-fetal medicine specialist that afternoon. I went straight from the hospital to that appointment, where they confirmed placenta previa. They also saw potential placenta accreta. Plus, my placenta was about four times thicker than normal for women this far along.
But with all this, sweet baby Grace was still perfectly healthy at this point. The doctor went over possible scenarios and outcomes, many of which were very scary. I was sent home with strict bed rest instructions and would see my regular OBGYN first thing Thursday.
I had to deal with the real possibility of not making it out of this thing alive.
On Thursday morning, I was so weak from blood loss that I had to be wheeled into my doctor’s appointment. Another ultrasound was conducted and the tech could not find a heartbeat.
We had lost our sweet Gracie girl.
The ultrasound remained inconclusive about accreta. It was clear Grace would have to be delivered by c-section, but I may also need a hysterectomy. Under the circumstances, the combination cesarean/hysterectomy would a far riskier surgery. Although my doctor normally delivers at Baylor Frisco, God gave her the wisdom to have me admitted to Plano Presbyterian because of the extra available resources, gifted surgeons, and specialists available. She consulted other experts regarding my complicated case. I will forever be grateful for the very careful consideration, planning, and wisdom she used. I am so thankful that God led me to her as my doctor. After an MRI at the hospital, doctors decided the surgical plan of action would be to begin a straight c-section, but be fully prepared to quickly switch to the combination cesarean/hysterectomy if needed.
And then begins the hardest night of my entire life.
I needed a blood transfusion, and received two units that night. I was told I may require a third unit before surgery the next day and would most likely need more units during surgery. Four units were on stand-by.
I was in pain and in the beginning stages of labor. My life was at risk. I spent a lot of that night begging God to spare me. Chris and I stayed up all night, praying, talking, and crying. There also was also a lot of time in silence, just holding hands. We said our good byes just in case. Neither of us slept a wink.
However, in the midst of this, God showed us his incredible faithfulness and had His hands on us. We met with an anesthesiologist that, like my doctor, showed tremendous foresight, wisdom, precision, and planning for my surgery. He was a believer who encouraged our hearts and prayed with us. It’s so encouraging to know that a person who is providing medical care for you is praying for God to guide him in his care of you.
The other big way that God showed up in my room that night was with my most amazing superhero of a nurse who was also a believer. This particular nurse is often assigned to the “special/difficult cases.” I was her only patient that night. She knew that I would need her full attention and care. Boy, did she deliver! Not only did she so excellently care for my physical needs but also my emotional and even spiritual needs. She prayed with us and was with us in our deepest need.
I ended up only needing the c-section. Not only that, but it couldn’t have gone better. I didn’t need to receive extra blood, everything went so smoothly, and I did not have to go to ICU. Praise the Lord for this amazing answer to prayer! Praise His Holy Name!
It turns out that we lost Grace due to a blood clot blocking the flow of nutrients from the placenta. Otherwise, Grace was a healthy baby girl. We got see and hold her. Even at just 21 weeks, she was beautiful! She had the sweetest little mouth. Tiny hands and feet complete with nails. She even had little eye brows. She was presented to us in a dainty, sweet, girly girl kind of way. She was the girly girl I always dreamed of having. I can only imagine if things were different, and we would be able to bring her home in September, she would have been the sweetest most beautiful baby girl. The one I dreamed of having.
My heart is certainly heavy! Not only am I grieving the loss of this precious baby girl, but I am also grieving this being my last pregnancy. It’s just too risky to try to do this again. I am very thankful that I got to experience one healthy pregnancy and the opportunity to give birth once to a healthy baby. A lot of women never get to do that.
And oh my word, how thankful am I for my sweet, wonderful, funny, adorable Austin Thomas. I love that boy with all my heart. Words just can’t describe how thankful I am to be his mommy and that I get to still be his mommy.
I have renewed thankfulness for my life. So very thankful to be alive. A reminder of how precious life is. I know the months ahead will be brutal. It will hurt like crazy not having our Gracie girl with us.
However, our story isn’t over. My hope is in the Lord. I believe He will show us His goodness and faithfulness in the midst of this time of immense grieving and pain.
Grace Anne Mycoskie
May 8, 2020, 8:45 AM