Lessons Through Grief

Grief is hard and heavy. It sucks! It just sucks.

At first, it is all consuming. I wondered if my life would ever feel normal again. As others have pointed out and what I have found to be true is that grief doesn’t go away completely, but it does change. The overwhelming, take your breath away intensity does lessen with time. A new normal does return. On the other side, we have a stronger faith and our character has been built up. I like the quote, “Grief never ends… But it changes. It’s a passage, not a place to stay. Grief is not a sign of weakness, nor a lack of faith. It is the price of love."

A grief counselor once shared two big things to guard against after loss with my husband and me:

1. Make sure you don’t bury your grief. You have to walk through it. The ugly, messy, sometimes overwhelming grief.

2. Don't get stuck in grief. Remember, we walk through grief. It is a passage not a place to stay.

Taking time to grieve is actually Biblical. We see many examples in the Bible of a mourning period after the death of a loved one complete with tearing of clothing, wearing sackcloth, and ashes. In John 11, we see Jesus weeping after the death of His friend Lazarus (even though He knew He was about to raise Him from the dead).

To summarize, grieving is Biblical. There is time for it. We must walk through it, but we must also guard against getting stuck in it.

A very wise, Godly woman shared Lamentations 3 with us right after we lost Grace.

Lamentations 3 begins with, “I am the man who has seen affliction under the rod of God’s wrath." Lamentations‬ ‭3:1‬ ‭CSB

The author (believed to be Jeremiah) then begins to describe his horrendous circumstances and losing hope.

“Remember my affliction and my homelessness, the wormwood and the poison. I continually remember them and have become depressed.” Lamentations‬ ‭3:19-20‬ ‭CSB‬‬

Then, we see a shift in the author’s thinking.

“Yet I call this to mind, and therefore I have hope: Because of the Lord’s faithful love we do not perish, for his mercies never end. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness! I say, The Lord is my portion, therefore I will put my hope in him." Lamentations‬ ‭3:21-23 CSB

What causes this shift in thinking from hopeless to hopeful? As I read through this passage after Grace died, these words leaped off the page to me,

“Yet I call this to mind, and therefore I have hope.” Lamentations 3:21 CSB.

The author actively recalled the promises of God and His Word.

In the all consuming throws of grief, it is so easy and natural to give in to the hopelessness and despair, and to believe it will never end. However, as this passage indicates, and as I have found to be true, hope is found when we actively focus on the truth, hope, and promises found in the Word of God. It requires action on our part. This is where the healing is. It is the only thing that truly heals us.

I would encourage anyone who is grieving or going through a difficult circumstance to camp out in Lamentations 3 for a while.

Another scripture the Lord put on my heart just a couple of days after Grace passed is:

“I am certain that I will see the Lord’s goodness in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart be courageous. Wait for the Lord.” ‭‭Psalms‬ ‭27:13-14‬ ‭CSB

I knew that I had the hope of a perfect eternity with Jesus, my babies, and all other believers. I knew that the future (eternity) would be wonderful beyond words. This is the hope that got me out of bed and kept me going on the difficult days.

However, I questioned what the rest of my life on Earth would be like. Would the pain ever end? I believe God was telling me through this passage that I would see His goodness here on Earth and I have. I absolutely have. Even in the midst of pain, God’s goodness was still all round me. Sometimes I have to look for it, but it is there. The goodness of God can be found even when we are at our lowest if we look to Him. There are still blessings to be had in this life and Praise God even more so in the next life forever more.